capitalepunishment

TITLE: Where’s Willie?

WRITTEN BY: Tony Spiridakis

TYPE OF MATERIAL: Film

COVERAGE BY: Brendan Rosen

GENRE: Action/Adventure

LOGLINE: A recent law school graduate takes a case that puts him way over his head in Sin City’s underground.

SYNOPSIS:

Tony Finn, a smart and promising young man has just graduated from law school. His brother, Sid, was a driver for a Russian Mafioso (Ivan Drakovich Jr.) who was murdered in the car he was driving, the details around which are a little sketchy. Sid’s best friend, Monty, is oddly desperate to give him a job. He reluctantly takes it on the terms that he is now a partner in the firm, free to take any other job offer that comes his way. Monty’s first case for Tony is the case of two sisters, Marie and Fiona, who can’t agree on what to do about their father’s estate, and receive punitive damages about some bus accident he was involved in. Tony visits Marie that evening to learn more about the case. He learns about how the father, Willie, disappeared mysteriously, how the mother was mistakenly murdered in a night club, and the two learn that they have a bit of chemistry together. When he leaves her place, he drives past Ivan Sr, not knowing who it was. Sid is shaken down and beaten up in the parking lot by Ivan Sr, for reasons that are unclear at this point.

Tony is on a plane ride heading to Las Vegas to investigate Willie’s Nevada residence and pick up whatever knowledge he can find. When he’s at the apartment, he learns that Willie has a flashy wardrobe, a nice Corvette, dates a high-end stripper, and finds a mysterious key on the floor. He takes the key to open the safety deposit box that he finds it goes to, but needs the administrator to the estate. So he tells Monty to fly Fiona out. After the phone call we learn that Monty and Fiona are having an affair (Fiona has a husband named Frank).

Tony goes to see Willie’s one Mistress, Sheree, and meets her sons. Sheree seems like a loose woman with little information to offer. Tony later picks up Fiona from the airport, who is drunk and belligerent. Behind her, to Tony’s surprise, is a blacked out Monty being pushed in a wheelchair. Once at the bank, Fiona, still intoxicated, struggles to sign her name but ends up getting it after a couple of tries. Once inside, they find $26 million in annuities, all with different social security numbers.

The three get drinks later that evening, Tony learns of the affair and questions Monty’s intentions with the whole thing. He also accuses him of having known about the money, which prompts a couple confessions. Willie was involved in moving money for the Drakovich family. Sid told Monty this because he was Ivan Jr’s driver. Tony ditches Monty at the bar, claiming he wants no part of this dirty scheme.

Marie calls Tony to meet for a drink, turns out she’s in Vegas. He learns that Frank, Fiona’s husband, was a mobster wannabe who tripped and broke his neck when a bus parked too far from the curb. He told Sid about this, Sid hired Monty as the lawyer and that’s how Monty became Sid’s attorney and best friend. He also learns that Monty’s license to practice law was revoked, and only made Tony partner so he could still get his hands on Willie’s money. Marie tells Tony she trusts him to do the right thing about the case.

Frank shows up at the hotel room that Fiona and Monty are sharing, punches Monty twice in the nose and demands to meet Fiona downstairs. They sit at a bar, Frank skips the affair and asks about the money. He implicates Willie’s involvement in the mob, and her mother’s death as less than abnormal. Fiona is furious about this, Frank demands half of the money and the hotel room.

Sid shows up at Tony’s room all beaten up saying they need to leave Las Vegas now, the Russian mob is after him. Monty shows up with a broken nose, Tony breaks it more for lying about his law license. Monty and Sid give up a little bit more background on the story: Willie tried to be a Vegas hot-shot player, but the Russians laughed and made fun of him until they let him play a high stakes game, in which he won $26 million. Tony decides that the only thing to do is to return the money to the mob. They go to get Fiona, but she is not in her room. They find Frank hanging in the shower with a number of knives in his stomach. They call Marie, turns out she is at her hotel room with Fiona. On their way there, they get picked up and interrogated for the murders, as Sid is concealing a firearm.

Down at the station, they see video footage indicating that the bartender who served Frank and Fiona drinks was the one who murdered Frank, and that he is an assassin for a rival gang to the Drakoviches. As it turns out, the Mob back in Brooklyn didn’t feel that Willie shared his fair cut of Vegas profits with them, so there was a gang rivalry in Vegas because of Willie. Ivan Drakovich didn’t have enough soldiers to fight the Brooklyn gangs, so he just used Willie to hide the money in the form of annuities.

In the parking lot, despite the advice he received, Tony won’t leave Vegas until this is all settled. Tony learns that Frank was selling the information about Willie to the rival gangs, and got too greedy. Ivan Jr’s death was a message to Ivan Sr to give up the money. Tony knows that the best and safest thing to do is to give the money to Ivan and end this. Immediately afterwards, however, an attempt was made on his life by the bartender assassin who stole an unmarked cop car, slit 2 detectives’ throats, and tried to run Tony off the road. Tony escaped with his life, leaving the cop car in rambles. He goes to Willie’s apartment to find the girls. The two are there and Marie is searching the apartment top to bottom. She finds a DVD apology from her father, watches most of it when the apartment is raided by the Drakoviches. They take Tony and Fiona to the bank, leaving Marie there as a hostage. Once they get to the bank, only Fiona and her attorney are allowed in. Once inside, all the annuities are missing. Monty took them, and told Fiona that Tony knew. Tony pulls a fire alarm and runs. He runs into Sid and they all get a cab and leave. Ivan attempts to chase, but is shot dead by a police officer. Back at the apartment, the thugs are dead and Marie is missing. The bartender assassin calls and says he has Marie, and will give her up for the money. As it turns out Sheree’s two sons are escorting her to the assassin (who is there with his brother). Tony shows up with Fiona, Monty, and Sid. Fiona learns that the assassin killed her father. They demand the money, but Tony says he refuses to sign over the annuities until everyone is released. Eventually, Marie is released, shoots the assassin in the stomach, and a huge gunfight ensues. Turns out that the girl was not Marie, and Detective Shu showed up just in time to save Tony from being killed. Shu decides that he’s going to kill Tony anyway to keep a larger share of the money, at which point the FBI rushes in and kills him. The woman posing as Marie was an FBI decoy, the FBI is there headed by Sheree (an alias) and her two sons are agents as well. There is a heartwarming reunion among everyone where all their differences are smoothed out, and they learn that the money is theirs to keep. They fly out of Vegas and go home, where we as the audience learned that Willie is being put back into society as a limo driver.

COMMENTS

A good reference to this movie would be Smokin’ Aces, with less gun fighting. Still equally exciting.

The dialogue was extremely well written, very believable. The characters are developed well, all multi-faceted so we can actually have love-hate relationships with some of them.

Many twists and turns, it’s fascinating how the story unfolds one little bit at a time.

This script would definitely come across well on the screen. It’s an exciting film that follows the formula for success while bringing something new and original to the table.

TITLE: Under the Hollywood Sign

TYPE OF MATERIAL: Pilot

COVERAGE BY: Brendan Rosen

GENRE: Crime Drama

LOGLINE: A washed-up police officer finds himself waist-deep in a twisted Hollywood murder conspiracy.

SYNOPSIS:

A woman mysteriously ends up dead under the Hollywood sign in Hollywood hills, police have no leads or suspects except for a mysterious fax that says “Evil never dies, but evil men do. Make your peace with God.” Patrick McFarland, a former police officer turned private investigator, is on a low-level marital infidelity case. He is obviously at a low point in his life when he sleeps with the wife and tells the husband she is in fact cheating.

Lloyd Harper, a low-life actor wannabe with less than questionable manners, is seen shaking down big-time director Leland Kingsley for a role in a movie. Kingsley is unwilling to give until Harper tells him that he has inside information from “Hammond”. Mysterious as it is, Kingsley folds and opts not to call security.

Harper later seeks McFarland’s help to find a woman named “Hope Baker”, with nothing to go on but a photo of her sitting on a car. Harper pays cash up front, so McFarland is no one to decline. He goes with his initial instinct and checks every strip joint and corner of hookers in the area, to no avail. When he runs the plates on the car she was sitting on in the picture, he finds her and falls in love at first sight. We then learn that he is telling all of this to a shrink, and that the narration thus far has been court ordered therapy. He considered never talking to Harper again. Turns out he never did anyway.

Late at night, McFarland’s father makes a creepy appearance in his office, sitting in his chair while McFarland slept. Their exchange was extremely pleasant, despite the fact that McFarland told his therapist he wasn’t ready to talk about his father. His father was just there to check up on McFarland, and it seemed well appreciated.

He organized to meet with Harper at a bar. He goes, and runs into director Bart “Willy” Willoughby. Willy gives McFarland his best wishes and sorrow for the mysterious events surround McFarland’s recent past, and asks him to coach his actors how to handle a gun. In the meantime, Harper never shows. Turns out Harper was hanging from a noose from the first O in the Hollywood sign. Police ruled it a dramatic suicide by a known drug addict and street scumbag.

The cops bring McFarland down to the station to ask him a few questions. Its obvious there’s a bit of bad blood in the station. They ask him why he was connected to Harper; McFarland maintains it was strictly business. Harper had no photo ID on his person, just an old losing lottery ticket, so McFarland had to identify the body and confirm Lloyd Harper’s death.

Harper’s mother shows up at McFarland’s office, and has a discussion about her son with him. In it, McFarland learns that Harper was using the diary of the girl who was found dead earlier in the episode (Ellen Arden, as she is soon to be known) to leverage Kingsley for a role in a film.

McFarland meets up with Hope Baker at her place of work: the Beverly Hills Gentleman’s Club, to discuss Harper’s mysterious death. Quite frankly, Hope is glad that Harper is dead. He was a stalker and a pervert, against whom she had a restraining order.

McFarland goes to meet Harper’s agent, Lenny Schulman, under the guise of a casting director. Schulman has about as much moral fiber as Harper himself, just a better place in life. Schulman has nothing good to say for Harper, just that he’s a liar and he is ashamed to be his agent. He knew he was in talks with Kingsley, but also knew that they weren’t friends.

McFarland goes to Kingsley with this to learn about his connection to Harper. Kingsley asserts that he had nothing to do with Harper, except that he threw a begging dog a bone with a cheap part as an extra. They were certainly not friends. After McFarland leaves, Kingsley makes a sketchy phone call beginning with: “I may have a problem”.

McFarland later went and broke into Harper’s apartment with little effort to find a cluttered mess. The best piece of evidence he did find was a phone bill polluted with Kingsley’s home number. McFarland knew at this point Kingsley was being blackmailed, and he knew it was the dead girl’s diary.

The next day, Hope Baker finds McFarland at a designer coffee shop and buys him his coffee. She thanks him for relieving her fears of Harper, McFarland offers to take her to the movie set where he was going to meet up with Willy, and possibly get her a part. She is ecstatic. McFarland asks Willy about the girl under the Hollywood sign. Willy knows of her, just not her name. Willy gets Hope a solid supporting role in his film. McFarland and Hope spend a romantic night together with pizza and cheap wine.

The next day, McFarland is mysteriously dragged into an alleyway, beaten senseless by two muscle men disguised as hobos. They cut off the tip of his pinky, beat him to a pulp, tell him to leave the Harper case alone and throw him in a dumpster.

Not being discouraged enough, he breaks into Kingsley’s office disguised as a janitor and steals the picture of the dead girl, a copy of a CD he found, and took pictures on his cell phone of various files in the desk. He has his secretary investigate the evidence. In the meantime, he sees comrade officer Albert “Al” Croft about the dead girl. He tells her they arrested a suspect, Clark Finley, but he was murdered by the girl’s mother before the case went to trial, so the case was dropped. The girl died during a session of rough intercourse due to an earlier drug overdose. From the evidence found in Kingsley’s locker, he learns about a Keith Hammond fellow, personal assistant to Marilyn Summer (hostess of the party at which Ellen Arden was killed). Kingsley was implicated in Arden’s diary as the murderer, which is how Harper used it against him.

McFarland meets up with Rosalyn Taber, a woman in her 70s who was close to Clark Finley. She maintains his innocence; Clark would be nowhere near Ellen at the time of her death as he was a gay man. He approaches Kingsley with this new evidence, who now has bodyguards present and is more distant and irritable than ever before. Later that evening, McFarland survives an attempt on his life in his car; a car behind him tries pushing him into the way of an oncoming tractor trailer, and then tries to run him off a cliff. He avoids the rig and ends up sending the pursuing car off the cliff, a bit rattled but ok.

McFarland goes to the police with all of this newfound information, that he knows how Kingsley was being blackmailed and that Kingsley was the one who killed Ellen Arden. The cops are extremely skeptical about implicating such a reputable director, and seem unwilling to cooperate to the degree desired. On a background check, it is learned that Keith Hammond is dead. Now knowing that Kingsley might be in danger, the cops raid his house only to find him missing. We then learn that he is at Willy’s hiding from Hammond, as it is the day Hammond threatened to kill him. Willy gets Kingsley to admit that it was him who killed Ellen Arden, and let Clark Finley take the rap. He figured an innocent man would walk. It was Kingsley’s fault that Clark is dead. Willy pulls a gun on Kingsley: Hammond is dead. It was in fact Willy’s threat, because he was Clark’s gay lover. While this is happening, McFarland vents to his father everything about his “discharge”. His wife was sleeping with his partner, and his partner was killed on the job. The other guys on the force were under the impression McFarland refused to cover his partner, but that wasn’t the case. He did all he could. His father offers his understanding, McFarland tells him he doesn’t know what he would do without him. Back at Willy’s, Willy shoots Kingsley and kills him, and toasts a drink to his death with Hope Baker.

McFarland and Willy meet up for a drink, and McFarland finally figures out the lottery ticket: it was a phone number. He calls it, and Willy’s phone rings. Willy takes him by gunpoint to the Hollywood sign and forces him to dig his own grave. Willy confesses his whole scheme and conspiracy, that it was all for his revenge. Most surprisingly, that there was never a diary. Croft shows up at the last minute to save McFarland. Turns out McFarland was wearing a wire, and he was actually the one scheming. Willy reaches for his gun, forcing McFarland to shoot him in the chest and kill him. At the funeral, McFarland implicates Hope’s involvement first with the fact that she never had a restraining order against Harper, and secondly a background check revealed she was actually Ellen Arden’s younger sister: Hope Arden. Having done his job well, McFarland walks past his father’s tombstone and tells his father he doesn’t know what he would do without him.

COMMENTS:

Extremely well written, the plot was brilliant. There were so many twists and turns in the beginning, so many unanswered questions and seemingly unrelated subplots that all came to tie together one intricate and exciting story.

McFarland’s character was well developed, we get to know him well through his therapy sessions, his imaginary visits from his father, and the cathartic confession he made about his history with the police.

Each time a lead was followed, a twist revealed, or a question was answered, it was so pivotal to the plot that it just keeps you on your seat. This will come across great on the screen, and I think the McFarland role would be perfect for Denis.

Overall an exciting read. A good reference would be CSI, with more character development and character independence. And a bit more sense of vigilantism.

TITLE: The Scavengers

WRITTEN BY: Nate Rufus Edelman

TYPE OF MATERIAL: Film

COVERAGE BY: Brendan Rosen

GENRE: Action/Thriller

LOGLINE: Roisin Connelly escapes societal monotony and conformity by becoming a vigilante criminal in Ireland.

SYNOPSIS:

We are first introduced to Fergus Higgins, who is burying his father who died presumably of a head wound. He then runs into his house and leaves with a revolver.

That’s all we see of Fergus until his return in the story, but we are then introduced to the protagonist: Roisin Connelly. Roisin was orphaned and adopted by loving parents, but when her mother died; her father spent his days drinking in the pub he owned. Roisin came to work as a bartender in the club herself, giving her father more time to drink. Roisin has a severe malaise with society; she hates that she has no choice in the life cycle rotation of work, marriage, kids, retirement, and death. Her bland life leaves her depressed and noticeably angry at the patrons. She is engaged to the local buffoon cop (for whom she harbors no romance), who is persistent in trying to sleep with her before their marriage. Roisin will have no part of it. After closing the bar down last night and cleaning up, there is a knock on the door. Roisin answers grudgingly. It’s Fergus. She pours him a pint and gives him shelter from the storm, and when it comes up in conversation that he murdered his father and is fleeing from the law, she finds something new and refreshing in him and is instantly attracted. After a long night of conversation, she sleeps with him that night.

The next morning, Fergus tells Roisin that he wishes to become a famous robber in Galway and invites her to come along. She agrees with great excitement, and after having Roisin’s father’s pub as their first robbery, they leave for Galway. They are forced to lie to Brendan, Roisin’s fiancé, about their whereabouts. Later in the pub, as Brendan is whining about Roisin’s whereabouts, Mick Higgins, Fergus’ father, shows up looking for Fergus. Brendan recognizes Fergus and the two take off for revenge. Mick for Fergus trying to kill him, and Brendan for Fergus stealing his fiancé.

Once in Galway they commit a few robberies, their first early in the afternoon for a petty $15 and the later for a considerable amount of loot. They kidnap a priest to marry them in the middle of the field, and after the marriage, just for kicks, Fergus tells the priest he will shoot him and that the priest better confess before God. After much convincing, the priest confesses of a sexual relationship he had with a horse. When the newlyweds took off, the priest hit Fergus in the head with a rock, causing him to concuss, and shot himself in the head. Fergus decided the best course of action would be to bury the priest at a graveyard.

With Mick and Brendan hot on their tails the entire way, the newlyweds find shelter for the night in a lonely blind man’s house. Fergus needed time to recover from his head wound. They exchange pleasantries with the old man, who is very welcoming. The next evening, they move onward to bury the priest at the graveyard. Mick and Brendan follow them to the graveyard, at which point Mick demands Brendan’s gun. Brendan gives it to him, because he “has no balls”. Mick confronts Fergus, and Roisin is outraged because Fergus lied about killing his father. The gun isn’t loaded, so Fergus hits his father over the head with the shovel again, seemingly killing him. When Brendan goes after Fergus with Fergus’ own pistol, Roisin kills him with the shovel. Mick rises to congratulate Fergus for being a man (head wound talking), but Roisin puts him back to the ground with a bullet in his head. Fergus confesses his love for Roisin one last time before Roisin shoots him in the head and kills him for lying.

COMMENTS

The script was going great right up until the end- the end desperately needs to be re-written. It makes sense that Roisin wants to live a life of adventure, but either she needs to let him live in the end, or more time needs to be dedicated separating them on screen emotionally. Otherwise the audience is going to leave confused what to think about any of the characters. It seems out of character for Roisin to kill Fergus.

The plot development was great, the characters were introduced well, maybe some of the robberies could have had higher stakes to make the film more exciting, all they had was two relatively low-key robberies.

The dialogue is genuine and well written.

WRITTEN BY: Jeff Roda

TYPE OF MATERIAL: Film

COVERAGE BY: Brendan Rosen

GENRE: Romantic Comedy

LOGLINE: It isn’t until his best friend gets engaged that Mac Danko realizes the shallowness of the single life.

SYNOPSIS:

Mac Danko and Nathan Smalls are single best friends in their mid-30s on the prowl in New York. They manipulate interesting stories to get women in their twenties to come to their “Bamboo Room”, a tiki bar based in their apartment. One night they come across Hilary Keeler and her friend Melanie at a bar. Hilary is a law associate about to make partner at her firm who has had her teeth pulled to come out tonight. She is stuck on her ex fiancé who recently broke up with her, and notably cold to advancing men. Mac and Nathan make an advance, and Melanie is receptive enough to go back to the Bamboo room. Hilary tags along. Once there, Melanie and Nathan hit it off, while Hilary and Mac tear each other apart.

Nathan begins to date Melanie, which bothers Mac because he has lost his wingman. Within a week of dating, Nathan moves out of Mac’s apartment and in with Melanie, and within two months they’re engaged. At the engagement party, Mac speaks outright against the marriage and startles some of the guests, but Nathan and Melanie manage to brush it off for now. After the party, Hilary and Mac meet up and walk around, speaking on their general distaste for each other. When the conversation is about to end, Hilary sees her ex in a restaurant window with another woman. Mac agrees to help win her back if Hilary will serve as his “wingman”, who turns out to be more effective than any man. Their first couple tries matching each other with mates are generally fruitless until Hilary is set up with a man she met at a driving range for what she calls a “low-key” date, and Mac is set up with a cutie he met at an art gallery who doesn’t want to leave the apartment. It turns out that Hilary went with her date to a corporate ball that she knew her ex, Aaron, would be at (with his new date). Hillary’s night goes downhill when her date turns out to be gay and has a stand-off with his ex boyfriend, and Hilary is left to console him. She calls Mac, who is half-naked in his apartment with his date, who after much convincing agrees to come to her rescue, in black-tie attire. He rescues her and dances an elegant waltz to show off, and impresses everyone, notably Aaron.

When Mac discusses his general distaste of being single without Nathan to Nathan, he tells Mac that settling down is much more fulfilling, and Mac needs to grow up. He also tells Mac that because of his behavior at his engagement party, he is no longer the best man. Both Nathan and Melanie tell Mac that he is falling in love with Hilary, but the notion to him is hardly believable. After he has some time to think about this, however, he realizes it is true. This realization comes too late, as Aaron was impressed enough with Hilary’s dance skills to leave his date and re-spark their old flame. The two go to Nathan and Melanie’s wedding as a couple, leaving Mac the odd man out as always. At the wedding, Mac approaches Nathan and Melanie to apologize for his past actions and tell them what a lovely couple they make. Nathan “fires” the current best man (who is introduced as easily hate-able and hardly developed), and offers the position to Mac. Melanie recognizes Mac’s misfortune and urges him to make his move on Hilary before he looses her for good. At the end of the wedding, Mac gets up with a megaphone and makes an impromptu speech about love, subversively confessing his love to Hilary. Hilary seems moved, but leaves with Aaron anyway to fly to his family’s vineyard for the weekend.

The script ends on a surprising note. Mac gets a text message from Hilary asking for advice, presumably with Aaron, when instead she was being coy having left Aaron that night. She sits on Mac’s stoop waiting for his arrival, and the scene ends on a kiss.

COMMENTS:

A great date movie, there are elements of the male buddy-buddy adventure film as well as romance.

It is also rather deep, dealing with various issues about love and the effects of living without it. Mac’s boss embodies this, being a lonely man in his fifties who goes so far as to get his tongue pierced.

Great writing, clever story.

TITLE: String Fever

WRITTEN BY: Jackie Reingold

TYPE OF MATERIAL: Play

COVERAGE BY: Brendan Rosen

GENRE: Abstract

LOGLINE:

SYNOPSIS:

It’s Lily’s 40^th birthday, and she is suffering a midlife crisis. We as the audience can feel her hectic life bearing down on her through the action on stage- it’s quick, chaotic, and for the most part the dialogue doesn’t make sense or address itself. At her birthday party, her ex-boyfriend keeps trying to offer her a beach chair for some sort of closure. Lily pays him no attention. Her best friend Janey is there to support her, Gisli, an Icelandic comedian who has no apparent relation to Lily, as at her birthday party narrating everything as if he were hosting a TV show. Her father, Artie, lies in bed and continuously calls out for “Beverly”, who apparently is not around. And Frank, a man who has a daughter in the same class as Lily’s daughter, asks her out on a date. She declines the night he asks her, and there is a metaphorical on-screen transition between telephone and real life as Lily addresses Janey and Frank mutually exclusively. She agrees to go out and eat sushi with Frank, who has an obsession with eating urchin sex organs. Again, Lily transgresses time as she addresses Janey and Frank separately on stage, recounting the date she’s currently on to Janey at a later date. Frank explains to Lily the String Theory, which doesn’t make too much sense to her. Lily confesses to Janey that she is having a hard time getting Matthew out of her head, but really does like Frank. Unfortunately Frank hasn’t called her yet, so Lily gets back to her date.

Matthew and Artie come out on stage and talk. Artie confides that he tried to commit suicide by stabbing himself in the chest over and over again because he couldn’t live with his colostomy bag (this is why he was calling for Beverly in a bloody shirt earlier). He left an ugly bloody scene that Beverly had to clean up. She was arrested on suspicion of murder, while Artie was flown to the hospital by helicopter and went into surgery. After a series of surgeries, he no longer needed a colostomy bag but had a number of troubles with his inner organs staying in place and his heart is wrapped in scar tissue. He even had some grafts on his chest with pig skin. Matthew had some problems that he was being treated for but didn’t really expand. They touch on the breakup between Matthew and Lily, but Artie says he’s not at liberty to discuss Lily on that issue, but would like to know what happened between them.

Lily visits Janey at her place, they are obviously there to support each other. Janey’s boyfriend/husband Jeff is at the bar in the middle of the day, and not working so they are behind on the rent. Janey and Lily agree to talk, but don’t say what about.

Matthew and Gisli pull up chairs around a pile of dry ice and sit and chat. Matthew says that he’s come to Iceland to get away from his problems. Gisli talks a bit about Iceland, gets tired of talking and tells Matthew to talk. Matthew says that he was told about this place by his sister before she died. Gisli tells him he won’t find his sister in Iceland, so the trip was pointless. He says that he misses Lily, but won’t make any effort to contact her. He said that carrying the chair around was supposed to be therapeutic, and now he keeps the chair in his head. Gisli is astounded by the profoundness of it all.

Lily comes out with a clipboard and addresses her confusion towards string theory. Frank meets her on stage and says how much his daughter likes her and apologizes for not calling. He recommends articles for her to read and exits, Gisli comes out on stage and does a dialogue to Lily in the style of a voicemail. He says that he is taking AA seriously, quitting smoking, working out, and that Matthew’s sister passed away. Artie comes out and talks to Lily- he tells her that Matthew actually left her out of courtesy and that he doesn’t want Lily to be all down on herself, she is worthy and capable of finding a great man. He tells her that Beverly is divorcing him and that they find themselves in similar situations- wanting to regress romantically to an earlier time.

While at the doctor’s office, she has a fantasy about Matthew returning to her. What’s not so fantastic is that Matthew tells her he’s committed suicide because he realized he was gay, addicted to porn, prostitutes, and pantyhose. Even more interesting is that he is sharing a bed with his mother and dating furniture. They almost kiss before the doctor wakes her up.

Lily picks up Janey from the hospital after Janey had a lump in her breast removed. Lily gives her emotional support, Janey doesn’t seem too well. Janey agrees to let Lily stay with her if she ever needs to.

Artie and Matthew meet to eat cod cheeks for lunch together, Artie is elated to have eaten after fasting for 6 months. He tells Matthew that he never should have left Lily because mature women are blessings. Matthew says he is having problems with his wrist since his surgery on it, Artie feels he’s gone insane since he’s had his colon removed. Matthew says he doesn’t know what to do anymore, Artie tells him to live day to day and to call Lily.

Frank calls Lily and asks to talk. They end up sleeping together, Lily wants to know if there’s something more than sex. She’d be happy either way though. Frank admits to liking her, and in the absurd style of transition that this play has come to know Janey walks into the bedroom and they are already reflecting on the new relationship and how Frank likes to cook his own bread, and his daughter. She turns back to Frank, touches him, and talks to Janey as if she were a ghost. Right before Lily and Frank begin round 2, Janey exits the bedroom.

Gisli records a video greeting for Lily, saying that he hasn’t found Isla yet but intends to keep looking. He wishes her well with Frank.

Lily and Frank reflect on a series of dates they’ve been on: museum, salsa lesson, 3-D movie, and dinner. Lily invites Frank upstairs. Matthew and Janey are outside Lily’s Matthew tells her his sister had the same cancer. Janey finds this “comforting”. Matthew says that he is only in Iowa because he is traveling across the country, Janey doesn’t buy it. She tells him that he can’t get to Lily through her. They half-heartedly wish each other well and part ways.

Frank and Lily have dinner with Artie, who has a hard time grasping Frank’s name: Frank Plahnk (plonk). Artie takes a stab at convincing Frank that he’s into physics, but he fails. He talks about his loneliness and how his wife left him because her book club group thought it was the right thing for her to do. Artie tries to cipher Frank’s intentions with Lily, Lily finds this inappropriate. She tells Artie that she likes Frank and wants him to like Frank using a string theory metaphor.

Gisli returns and tells Lily in another message that he thinks the therapy methods are bizarre. He is clean now, and beginning the same chair therapy that Matthew went through. Matthew walks by and they realize that they’re both on their way to California. Matthew tells him that the chair isn’t bad, neither is the horse, but Gisli gets aggressive and starts making animal noises at Matthew and runs away.

Lily does a dialogue about how she wanted to live a different life for a bit, one that she saw in the museum. She crawls into bed with Frank and tells him she’s carrying his child, and there’s no alarm. Lily hopes the child is smart like Frank.

She talks about her relationship with Frank with Janey. She says she’s moving fast and slow- fast because they’re having a kid but slow because Frank is out at a party without her. Artie talks about Frank and says he’s the wrong answer to the right question. He says he’s getting back with Beverly, and that if she really likes Frank then so does he; he just wants her to be happy.

Matthew gets Gisli to try horseback riding, and he is terrified. The two feel bad for themselves being in the same situations: both having been dumb and lost the women they love. Gisli plans to pursue Inge no matter what, he never plans on giving up. He tells Matthew that he needs to grow up because therapy won’t solve anything, not when Lily’s father died (this is news) and she’s dating another guy. Matthew leaves to go find Lily.

Lily and Frank are at Artie’s funeral, and Lily is very upset. Matthew comes along and asks to speak to Lily in private. This doesn’t go over well with Janey and Frank, but when they do get alone Matthew apologizes to Lily and tells her how much he had been thinking of her. Matthew gives his condolences for Artie, tells Lily that Artie mailed him the knife he used to stab himself as a metaphor for how shitty life can be and keep your head up. Lily learns that he has been studying physics, and becomes deeply offended because “physics is hers” and demands Matthew to stop studying it. Frank returns and leaves Lily to be with his cat (platonic or not, unspecified); Lily and Janey are disturbed and confused by this. Janey tells her that her cancer has moved to her liver, but a psychic said that she would be fine.

Lily goes to Matthew’s and they talk. Matthew talks about how unstable he’d been when he left her and basically his mind/life was in shambles. Lily does a couple asides about how crazy she still is underneath about him. They share an obvious magnetism and talk about how they missed and need each other. After a while, they kiss and Lily walks off. Gisli comes on with a chair and some dry ice and says that he’s been translating plays. Lily is pregnant now, she and Janey have decided to move in and live together with the baby. The father could be Frank, Matthew (who is no longer with Lily) or even Gisli (who presumably mailed his semen to Lily packaged in dry ice). The 3 of them sing happy birthday to the “mystery baby”.

COMMENTS

Very odd and hard to follow. There are weird spots and time lapses that don’t seem to make sense. It does make sense at some parts where we can understand that we’re being presented with 2 different times on screen at once when Lily addresses two different people on the stage.

Some of the character motivation is difficult to understand. Some of the characters are under developed. Sometimes it’s hard to decipher why these people are doing what they’re doing or making the decisions that they are.

The ending made absolutely no sense at all.

It’s interesting how the chaos on the stage is a metaphor for the chaos of a woman going through midlife crisis/menopause.

TITLE: Shades of Grey

WRITTEN BY: C. Mark DeGaetani

TYPE OF MATERIAL: Film

COVERAGE BY: Brendan Rosen

GENRE: Crime Drama

LOGLINE: Bobby James was falsely convicted of murdering his mother and sister and convicted to life in prison. 18 years later, when the case is overturned, Bobby reclaims his life.

SYNOPSIS:

The film opens with the bloody murder of a mother and daughter one night in a quiet house on the docks, while the father is out at sea. They are hacked apart with a hunting knife. This is immediately followed with the court case convicting Bobby James, a young, troubled, small-time criminal with a record of assaults and auto theft, but never murder. His father, Dale, delivers a heart-wrenching speech announcing that his son is no longer his son, and that he wishes for his son to burn in hell. Bobby’s own girlfriend, Hannah price, who is present in the court room cannot believe Bobby, or even bring herself to look at him. Bobby maintains his innocence, and for this Dale spits in his face. Bobby is sentenced to life.

After 18 years of serving, new DNA evidence proves that Bobby was innocent all along, and that it was another man who murdered Bobby’s family. Bobby, now a hardened convict bulging with muscle and covered in prison tattoos, has a lot of people worried that he is out for revenge. His long time partner in crime and Brotherhood member in the joint wishes him well, and requests that he swim in the ocean.

On the outside, we meet Hannah’s daughter, Ronnie, and her boyfriend, Rod. Ronnie is a troubled girl much like Bobby and Hannah in their years, and Rod is a scumbag drug dealer twice Ronnie’s age. Hannah comes home to find Ronnie and Rod getting dressed in a post-coital moment, and kicks Rod out. Once alone with Ronnie, Hannah confesses that Bobby James is truly her father, and Ronnie is outraged by this. She thought she was the result of a one night stand with a businessman.

Bobby’s old friend Mel drives Bobby from prison to his old home on the docks, to find that Mel has preserved Bobby’s old boat and muscle car for him. Bobby makes it a project to fix up his old boat and return to his old love of sailing, and begins making his rounds tying up loose ends. First is Hannah. Ronnie isn’t home when Bobby comes to visit, and he has little to say to Hannah. He accuses her of lying to him and his daughter, and gets her to admit that she thought he was guilty. He flips the kitchen table in a fit of rage and leaves to catch Ronnie walking in, which leaves less than a good impression on her.

Bobby makes an effort to bond with Ronnie, who is reluctant at first. Rod discourages this because he says that Bobby is a prison murderer, drug dealer, and gang member, which he is, and he still has loose ends to tie up with his gang: “the Brotherhood”. Bobby tells Ronnie to help him fix up the boat anytime she wants to, her love of sailing leads her to take him up on this. She is stoned when she does, Bobby tells her to come back sober. This is what initially gets Ronnie to stop using drugs.

The cop who busted Bobby all those years back, Morgan, is hot on his tail waiting for him to slip up, and the fact that Bobby has been tying up sketchy loose ends at the gang’s hangout with mysterious bags doesn’t help. It is against the gang charter to deal drugs on the street, only in prison. Everyone tries to convince Morgan that he is a changed man, but Morgan won’t buy it, chasing seemingly fruitless leads non stop.

Dale, Bobby’s father, comes to Bobby to talk, but Bobby holds a heavy grudge against his now alcoholic father. Trying to get a little sympathy from Bobby, Dale asks what the worst part of it all was, at which point Bobby backs him into a wall and describes in bitter detail the murder he was forced to commit. Dale leaves, stunned.

Bobby and Ronnie spend more and more time together, making up lost time. Ronnie has forgiven both of her parents, hints at Bobby to get back with Hannah in hopes for a cohesive family, but Bobby declines. While repairing Bobby’s boat, Ronnie asks about a bell that hasn’t yet been mounted. It is of great significance to Bobby, Dale used it as a metaphor to mount that when Bobby stopped getting in trouble, they would be first mates together. Bobby wanted to but that dream was cut short, and now the bell is unmounted. Ronnie spends less and less time dealing drugs and the like, and less time with her mother.

In an effort to clean up for his daughter, Bobby wants to leave the brotherhood. Morgan surveys him as he tells his “boss” he wants out for good, all changing Morgan’s motives. His sorrow and pity for Bobby’s losses push anger and supervision out of the way.

All seems to going perfectly well when Bobby and Hannah get back together, making Ronnie euphoric. To solidify her happy life, she breaks up with Rod and leaves the drug game. For this, Rod beats her to within an inch of her life and leaves her in the ICU. Enraged, Bobby finds Rod and beats him with his own pistol. Morgan arrives on the scene, Bobby tells him that the only way to stop him is to shoot him. While Bobby is walking away, Morgan shoots him 3 times with the gun he used to kill Rod. In a clever twist, Morgan shot Bobby to keep him from going to prison again. Bobby goes into a coma, and Morgan files a report that Bobby killed Rod in self defense, after Rod shot him 3 times. After a couple months, Bobby recovers, reunites with Hannah and Ronnie, makes amends with Dale and Morgan, and sails off to the Florida Keys with Hannah, Ronnie, and Dale. He sends his friends in prison a jar full of shells to tie up all loose ends.

COMMENTS:

Brilliant character development, well thought out plot, exciting twists and turns, conflict, resolution, and a magnificent happy ending. I thought the script was awesome.

There are many other little metaphors in the script, meaningful scenes, allusions to different parts in the script, there is a lot of meaningful symbolism that would look great on screen.

Morgan’s plot to save Bobby was extremely clever, and at the end it’s kind of kept a secret that Bobby actually survived, I found myself cheering for him and waiting to see where he was.

TITLE: Sam the Cat

WRITTEN BY: Matt Corman & Chris Ord

TYPE OF MATERIAL: Film

COVERAGE BY: Brendan Rosen

GENRE: Drama

LOGLINE: A political communications director attempts to salvage his love when his career is lost

SYNOPSIS:

SAM BEARDSON is the communications director for SENATOR ED BACKUS’ presidential campaign. He is on top of the world, dating the ever-seductive press reporter LOUISE PARMALEE and having won the primary in New Hampshire, despite his using some bloody political tactics.  This doesn’t matter to Sam, however, as winning is everything. After celebrating his victory in New Hampshire, he leaves his office party to find his old friend BOB FOLSOM down on his luck. He wanted to congratulate Sam on his victory, and also ask if Sam believed that Bob is truly cut out for politics. On a subtle back-handed note, Sam tells Bob to stay strong and that Bob is the “smartest person he knows”.

Sam’s world gets turned upside down when he realizes that Backus has pulled out of the race without consulting him for an exit strategy. Ignoring the fact that Backus has colon cancer and cannot continue with the race, Sam goes to the hospital desperate to find a quick and easy cure for Backus, and while there he runs into an old female friend, Phylida Smith, who obviously harbors a crush on Sam (and has since college). Sam speaks to a doctor who forces him to face the truth and accept that Backus has to deal with the cancer on his own, and move on with his life. Sam has an especially hard time accepting this due to the fact that he has little elsewhere to turn because of all the people he has stepped on and stabbed in the back supporting Backus.

Sam begins falling apart, his relationship with Louise begins to crumble, and the big shock comes when the candidate that Bob Folsom had been director of communications for takes the nomination in Backus’ place. Sam sees his mistake of turning his back on Bob and desperately tries to reach him and acquire work. When he is unable to do this, he turns to drinking. On one wild night out at the bar, he returns home and fears he has a hernia after falling off a chair reaching for a magazine. He calls Phylida for medical attention, who comes to Sam’s apartment in a racy sweater and perfume to tell him he has not given himself a hernia. Before Phylida has a chance to make Sam tea afterwards, he passes out on the floor with his cat Skippy.

Soon after this incident, Louise ultimately has had enough with Sam’s pathetic behavior and leaves him. Again, feeling down about this, he decides to have a couple manhattans at Bob’s house party celebrating SENATOR SHESLOW’s nomination. While there, Sam runs into Phylida who agrees to have a manhattan or two with him. After a few manhattans, the two find out that Bob and his girlfriend, NILOO, are to be married in Martha’s Vineyard. Oddly inspired by this, they hook up in the coat closet and end up sleeping together that night. Hesitant about pursuing a relationship with Phylida at first, he decides to stick around given the place he is in his life: rock bottom.

Soon after, Bob asks to see Sam and offer him a job on Sheslow’s campaign, which Sam is eager to take. He realizes he isn’t as needed there when he is forced to share a desk with a recent Harvard Grad, and this becomes more evident when this “kid” takes over Sam’s duties for the month, but he finds his relationship with Phylida more and more rewarding.

At his wedding, Bob asks Sam to say a few words, but because he has been put on the backburner so often, Sam resorts to petty insults and name calling, until Senator Sheslow flies in on a helicopter, at which point Sam and Phylida escape. Just as they were inspired to hook up when Bob announced his engagement to Niloo, Sam is inspired to (very nonchalantly) ask Phylida to Marry him. Phylida arranges to have a wedding with her family in the south of France, while Sam’s family is stuck at the airport due to a hurricane.

Sam begins to question himself about his decision to marry Phylida, he begins to question his life in general. All this and the fact that his family wasn’t at the wedding lead Sam to ditch Phylida at the altar and return home. Sam finally finds his true self when he discovers Senator Backus, having his cancer in recession and starting a non-profit organization building homes, with which Sam takes a job (and later rejects Bob’s job from Sheslow). After finding himself inside and realizing that Phylida fell in love with him at the worst point of his life, he returns to her to beg for forgiveness and take her out on that first date they never had.

COMMENTS

The screenplay makes an interesting metaphor between politics and horse racing, Sam places his bets based on weather, age of the horse, track conditions, and even the shoes the horse is wearing. There are many other clever metaphors and subtexts in the script as well.

It is very cleverly written, the dialogue would be entertaining to watch on screen. Some dialogue does seem short, choppy, and sometimes cheesy however. Some should be considered for re-writing.

There are parts of the screenplay that seem informally written, especially in stage direction. A lot of the authors’ intentions may be difficult to translate onto the screen.

If the audience is truly invited to relate to Sam 100%, Bob should be antagonized a bit more. He comes across as a decent person with good intentions, and we as the audience question Sam’s decision to roast him at his wedding.

GENRE: Drama

LOGLINE: Two friends support each other and learn to deal with life’s hardships, centering on the death of their best friend.

SYNOPSIS:

Iris lives in Ansbury, Connecticut and is currently working on her summer thesis. Her best friend Catherine comes to visit her, and it is obvious from the minute Catherine is picked up at the train station the visit is meant for mutual support. They meet up with Iris’ roommate, Jack, that evening to smoke a bowl and go to a kegger.

It is revealed over the course of the film that Iris’ and Catherine’s best friend, Mae, was killed in a car accident when Catherine flipped a cigarette out the window, momentarily lost control of the car and flipped it. Mae was killed instantly. Throughout the film, Iris has an affection for skinny dipping in the lake where the car was flipped. She urges Catherine to join each time, but Catherine always declines and sits on the shore. Iris receives much male attention from the men in the college area, but is sharply indifferent to it all.

Iris meets with her professor, Gerald, to discuss her thesis. She tells him that she wants to write a series of poems about grief. There is an off-set magnetism between them, especially since we know that his wife won’t be visiting that weekend. Iris tells Catherine that she found her teacher attractive, for which Catherine thought she was a freak. The chemistry between Gerald and Iris heated up when Iris passed out while jogging past his house. He takes her inside and gives her a place to sleep, and when she awoke again she came onto him and they ended up sleeping together. Guilt didn’t set in for either of them until the next day when she visited his office. Gerald was about to break it off, but instead they end up having sex right there in the office and continue on a steamy, lasting affair.

In the meantime, Catherine overcomes the hatred of Mae’s brother, Billy toward her by making out with him outside a bar, despite how many times he told her he never wanted to see her again. They go back to his place afterwards and have sex. Iris learns of Catherine’s affair with Billy when, while on a date with Gerald, sees Catherine going down on Billy behind a dumpster. With both Iris and Catherine involved in illegitimate affairs, there is stress between the two of them not being able to see each other. They get a break when Gerald’s wife comes to town to visit for the weekend, but they end up running into him at a garage sale anyway. Gerald’s wife is pleased to meet the girls, oblivious to the truth. When she later finds a strand of Iris’ hair between her sheets, she leaves that night saying it’s for work. She comes back later on a whim to express her anger and let her husband know that she is leaving.

Catherine, in a moment of pure vulnerability and weakness, flashes back to Mae’s death during intercourse with Billy and confesses that she lost control and flipped the car because of the cigarette. Billy later told this to his parents, who then decided to sue Catherine for negligence and manslaughter. Iris begs Billy not to follow through with the lawsuit and tries to convince him that it was in fact not Catherine’s fault at all. She tells him that suing her for millions won’t change what happened, it’s simply recreational damages to Catherine. Billy aggressively declines, saying that it is necessary and that it was her fault. They proceed with a preliminary hearing that we don’t see, but everyone is notably gloomy about. The night before the trial, Jack, Iris, and Catherine go to a bar and have a few drinks. Billy is there with his friends, unbeknownst to Iris and her friends. He tells the bartender to kick her out. She resists to her best, but Catherine makes an unspoken agreement with Billy from across the bar and we see she forgives him and understands his grief. After they leave, with dawn approaching, the two girls go to the lake where Mae died. Catherine finally has it in her to join Iris in her skinny dipping ritual. Before they get in the water, they tell Mae, wherever she is, how sorry they are for what happened and how much they love her. They dive in and the movie ends.

COMMENTS:

The story was great developing. We can see from the beginning that everyone in the script is unconventional, all having a sort of alternative personality and I think that brings a lot of flavor to the story.

It seemed like Iris and Catherine were both learning lessons pursuing these affairs for the wrong reasons. I found this interesting, especially since Catherine nonchalantly admitted to having been prostituting.

Through all that happened in the film it was a stunning moment when Iris and Catherine pray to Mae, it’s obvious they’ve just learned that they just needed themselves the entire time.

This should be shot as more of a dark, gritty sort of drama to really get the effect I think the script is going for. Especially because some of the scenes are highly sexually explicit.

The character Jack shifts from central to peripheral throughout the script. He either needs to be more developed or be casted with a very commanding actor.

One thing I didn’t like was the ending. It was beautiful, heart-felt scene but there was no closure to Gerald (who Iris openly admitted to loving), Billy, Mae’s family, the verdict, the thesis, or a number of other things.

Overall I thought it was a great story.